im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
it's like heaven, but drunker
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I need moral support for this bender
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
