Dual....:-)
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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