Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
