mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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