I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I skipped work to stalk him.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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