you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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