My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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