I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So much rum. So many feels.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
