Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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