Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Sober January is a disaster.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
