I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she peed on how many people?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
