Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
