I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
