he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
These tits shall not be calmed
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
