Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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