You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
