yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
