Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you inspire me to be a worse person
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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