Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
