a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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