why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
