Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
