You work out of a Hotel?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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