its not stalking. its research.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
no you cant smoke seaweed
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
