shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
