I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
