that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
