Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
