i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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