Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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