I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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