I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
