So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
so much tequila, so little girl.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
