I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
