its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
