So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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