Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
