I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
