dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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