the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
