How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
