I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
