i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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