Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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