im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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