Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
