This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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