You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
