Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
