Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
