he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
