would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
