he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's never too late to be topless.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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