We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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