she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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