You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
