it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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