sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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