id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
