shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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