Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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