I just cut my nipple shaving
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
