A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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