tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think my moral compass just broke
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
