Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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