oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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