some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
